A Time to Mend

One of my first diagnoses was Seasonal Affective Disorder.  Naturally, while preparing for the time change from Daylight Savings, I am worried that the severe depression that has been haunting me the past winters will return with a vengeance from the change in light.

This year was different than the others in some important ways.  My depression hit new lows and I was hospitalized for the first time, but I’m also now on a medication that seems to be working better than anything I had tried in the past.  Until I’ve made it through this winter, though, I can’t fully trust that my medication is really truly working.  Because I didn’t get relief from depression until mid-April, I can’t be sure that the improvement in my symptoms was not merely seasonally linked.  I want to think the doctors found something that worked, not that I just managed to pull through another winter, but I’m scared of believing it too soon and being let down.

This time change in particular is an important test, because I remember last year around this time was when I really started to fall apart again.  This year, I’m beginning a second job in addition to my first, in places I really like and want to do well, and I don’t want depression to catch me off guard and ruin that for me.  As I move forward, I’m praying that after many years of a time to tear down, this will be a time to mend.