Trouble, the beloved matriarch of my goat herd, passed away today at the age of twelve. After over a decade where she was part of the family, it’s hard to say goodbye.
I wish I could take the time to grieve. With two jobs, it feels like I have to always be focused on my work and being prepared for lessons, and if I step away from those thoughts even for a day, I feel like I will be lost and unprepared. She was important to me, even if no one around me knows or understands that.
Over the years, my goats knew more of my struggles than people did. I would go out with them and lean against their warm sides and cry even when I had no humans to turn to and talk to about what was going on. The goats don’t judge, or tell me it’s all in my head, or invalidate my feelings. They’re simply there, listening, and present.
People could learn a lot from goats.
Five months ago, I was hospitalized. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t keep food down, and was experiencing extreme suicidal thoughts.
But today? Today I am halfway through my second week as a professional in my field. I am a college graduate, despite it all. I have my joy back. I love what I do. My faith in God is my guiding light. I discovered some true friends throughout it all who are still there for me, and I have a loving family supporting me as I move into the future.
Recovery is possible. Hope is real. ♥
“…we have this treasure in earthen vessels so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be from God and not from ourselves…”
2 Corinthians 4:7
In only a few short months, my life has turned completely upside down and back up again. I’ve experienced severe depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and hospitalization. But I’ve also experienced the amazing, redemptive power of God in a myriad of ways throughout.
Along the way, reading mental health articles and blogs was a much-needed encouragement. Now in recovery, I want to give similar encouragement, celebrating what God has done in my life through telling my story.